When I was 11, I read Harriet the Spy, by Louise Fitzhugh. I learned two important things from that book.
- Don’t be afraid to write down your thoughts.
- Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.”
Both of these lessons became very important to me as a human being, a physician, and a life coach.
I started keeping a journal the same week I read Harriet the Spy. I’ve kept it up, for the most part, for the past thirty years. I think that has allowed me to continue to get to know myself better and better, despite the busyness of a daily life full of study, family, and career responsibilities.
Keeping a journal allowed me to be honest with myself about things that I could have easily hid from my conscious mind. I did hide many things from myself—until I started to write. The cyclical nature of my thoughts became a linear dialogue on the page. I have noticed over and over that my thoughts circle, but my journal writing progresses. I get somewhere when I write. Not necessarily to an ah-ha moment a la Oprah, but to a conclusion or a decision that hadn’t been clear before I took pen to paper.
This, I’m convinced, has allowed me to grow into my own potential over the years and get closer to my best self.
For example, when I was engaged to be married while I was a medical resident, I knew something was wrong with my relationship—but I didn’t face it until I had a week’s vacation (away from my fiancé) and I had a chance to really dive into my journal. On my return, I started asking my fiancé questions—questions I hadn’t dared to ask before. This ultimately led to the end of my engagement—which turned out to be the best thing for both of us.
The second lesson I learned from Harriet the Spy allowed me to get very comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” It’s one of the qualities, I believe, that makes me a good family doctor (and life coach). Family doctors can take care of about 85% of the problems that patients show up with—and we need help with the other 15%. If you can’t say “I don’t know,” you can’t admit you need help.
Once a patient came in with abdominal pain that didn’t make any sense. It didn’t follow any pattern associated with known diseases. She asked me what I thought was wrong.
“I don’t know,” I said. “What do you think is wrong?”
She told me she felt like there was something “pushing” on her stomach. I ordered an imaging test that would best look at her stomach and the area surrounding it. She had a huge tumor that had seeded the area surrounding her stomach and it was, literally, pushing on her stomach.
Words to live by:
- Write down your honest thoughts. (You might learn something.)
- Say, “I don’t know,” when you don’t. (You might learn something.)