Self-care is a very important part of a great life. I’m talking about caring for yourself in a healthy way. I’m not talking self-indulgence, I’m talking the basics: getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, getting some exercise, and having some joy in your life.
I thought it was hard to take good care of myself when I was in medical school and residency, and as a full-time doctor with a husband and stepchildren. Then I had a baby of my own. Seriously, who knew a 5 lb infant could interfere with my dental hygiene habits for so long? Nothing stopped me from brushing and flossing twice a day—not codes in the ICU, not being on call from Friday through Monday, not even spending the weekend on the labor and delivery floor, delivering other people’s babies—but having my son instantly messed with my self-care.
Now that he’s 3, my son no longer requires my attention the way he did in his first year of life. But emotionally, I’m still as in tune with him as I was when he needed feedings every 3 to 4 hours. That’s why my self-care routine remains as spotty as it did back then.
Last week, I decided to make some changes. I knew I needed to get back to a good routine of self-care. For me, other than eating and sleeping, that means exercising and writing as often as possible. So I set my alarm for 4:30 AM last Monday and got up and went to the Y. My preferred exercise routine is running or swimming out in nature, but both seemed a little risky at 5 AM, so I decided to try the gym. I stair-stepped, rowed, and biked until 6 AM, when I headed back home so my husband could leave for work.
Tuesday morning I set the alarm for 4:30 again. I wanted to go to a 5:15 yoga class at the Y but I decide to use the time to write. That hour to myself writing was a wonderful gift.
Are you wondering yet what the hell time I went to bed? I thought so. The short answer is—not early enough. All week I felt jet-lagged, but I kept telling myself I would get used to the new hours. And I kept intending to go to bed earlier. Didn’t happen.
The result? This week I have the worst cold I have had in 10 years.
What I learned: Getting up at 4:30 AM to exercise or write (both things which feed my soul) is only self-care if you adjust your schedule at the other end of the day. Since going to bed at 8:30 PM is apparently impossible for me right now, then self-care means NOT getting up at 4:30 AM any more.
Phew. That feels better.
I think I’ll try something a little less drastic. Like jumping rope in my garage while my son naps. Hey, it’s better than nothing.
What does self-care really mean to you?
Thank you for this, because it’s very timely, and probably is for a lot of us. I should be an expert on self care, having suffered from CFS/IDS (or ME as it’s called here in the UK) for 30 years, but I’m still working on it and I still come unstuck much more often than I should. I’ve come to realise recently that what I need to do is to pay attention to myself at frequent intervals and pause to enquire how I really am and what I really need. It’s truly amazing how easy it is to ignore yourself in a way that would be obviously rude and inconsiderate if you were behaving like that to someone else. I try to give myself a few quiet moments to listen to what my inner self is saying that it needs – which is sometimes quite different from what I had been thinking I needed to do! It’s actually quite humbling to discover how much this inner voice knows, and how much wiser it is than the rest of me. You seem to have had a rather extreme experience of this in the last few days! I hope your cold leaves you quickly and that you start to feel better in every possible way.
Wow, Deborah,
Thanks for sharing your process in figuring out what you need. I totally agree, if we can check in with ourselves more often, we will be able to know what we really need in any given moment. I think if I’d checked in with myself on Tuesday or Wednesday am, I would have let it get to the point of exhaustion. But I have a lot of practice at living “from the neck up” and ignoring my physical self, so I obviously have to practice more!
I’m definitely going to check in with myself more. Thanks for your advice and best wishes in your journey with self-care. And my cold is all gone, thanks for your good wishes!
Warmly,
Diane
Laughed when I read this post! Sometimes we get in our own way, don’t we? LOL
Self-care is a generalized term these days. It means something different for everyone. My struggle with self-care relates to reducing stress, being able to separate myself as a caregiver and focus on my own individuals wants and needs (aka writing and trying to output a first draft of my novel). Very difficult when you have other people who depend on you and there is a barage of constant interruptions and events that make you want to pull your hair out some days! Writing is my most important definition of self-care for me, because without that time alone, that time to “be me” I find that I start to feel anxious, get cranky, and inevitably begin to worry about how it’s all going to get done.
Well, it isn’t all going to get done, so why not just accept that and do some things for yourself without setting a bar you may never reach and will only result in you feeling inadequate for not reaching it?
My expectations of myself will be simple this year and so I can completely relate to this post. For you, jumping rope in your garage works! Good for you, I say. Do it! And feel joy about that accomplishment. If you manage to do more on another day – that’s the gravy!
You’re movin’, baby, that’s the good part!
Hi Laura,
Thanks for the encouragement. This morning’s exercise was shoveling my parents’ driveway! I was out in the bright sun and it felt really good. Making smaller commitments has been very helpful. I’m much more successful at achieving my smaller goals and it motivates me to keep doing a little bit–and makes me really grateful when I can go for a run or get to a yoga class.
Happy writing!
Warmly,
Diane