Self-care sounds like one of those words that doesn’t really mean anything, except maybe as an excuse to be selfish. But here’s my definition:
Self-care = I love myself as much as I love everybody else. I count, too.
Recently a client asked me if she was sabotaging herself. She’d been working really hard at self-care, but she’d missed an appointment with her therapist, a woman she really connected with and who she found very helpful.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
“If you did know, what do you guess the answer would be?”
“I don’t think so. I think I’ve just been in crisis mode this week with everything that happened with my family.”
“I’d go with that.”
My client could use her missed appointment as an excuse to beat up on herself, but there’s nothing “self-care” about that
Self-care is about cutting yourself some slack, just as you would a good friend (or even an acquaintance. We are so nice to people, even when we barely know them!)
Instead, we focused on the fact that she had the awareness to step back and look at her behavior and wonder about it. With that kind of awareness, even if she was sabotaging herself, she could recognize the behavior and choose to change it.
Self-awareness is a part of self-care. We need to know ourselves in order to know what we need and want.
My client took the time to reflect on her life. This awareness comes before any positive change can happen.
I think my client is really getting a handle on how to care for herself.
What does self-care look like to you?