A client and I were talking about lack of time recently. I told her that I used to feel time pressured constantly—even when I was on vacation. In my head, I heard a litany of “I have to do this, and I have to do that.”
Last fall I decided to try an experiment. Every time I told myself “I have to…” I decided to change it to, “I don’t have to do anything.”
Because, really, saying, “I have to” about almost anything is a lie.
My client pushed back, saying, “but at some point, you have to do the things you have to do.”
But really, we choose to do them. The small change in the language is not insignificant.
Telling myself I choose to do something feels a lot better than saying I have to do something—but it doesn’t take away my motivation or my need for order or my wish to do the work in the world that I feel passionate about.
I’m just being more truthful about it. I don’t have to do it but I want to do it—or I want whatever the result of doing it gets me.
For instance, telling myself I have to do laundry is not true, and telling myself I don’t have to do laundry doesn’t mean I’m not going to do the laundry—changing the words doesn’t take away my wish for clean clothes or my motivation to keep my home organized. Saying I don’t have to do anything doesn’t mean I’ll automatically do nothing.
I often tell myself I “have to” write a blog post, which is not true. When I tell myself I don’t have to do anything, that doesn’t change my wish to communicate through my blog or decrease my motivation, it just takes the pressure off. I don’t have to do it, but I can do it. And I usually do.
Next time you tell yourself you have to do something, try rephrasing it:
“I choose to do…” or “I don’t have to do…”
My guess is you’ll get just as much done and feel better doing it.
Let me know what you think.