Around holiday time, many people start to talk about the way things used to be.

“Oh, it’s not like it used to be,” they sigh. “I wish it could be the way it used to be.”

I’ve heard one of my brother-in-laws say, in response to wistful statements such as these, “Which day?”

That always struck me as a very practical comment. Do people  wish things were the way they were when there was no food, no money, or no heat?

My dad remembers Christmases with only an orange or an apple in his stocking—and he was thrilled to get it. But those aren’t the days we wish for.

No, we wish it was the way it was on the day that was best for us (me!)

In my family, Thanksgiving and Christmas were always very simple, uncomplicated holidays. There were five of us kids and my parents, so Thanksgiving and Christmas was always at home. Whoever wanted to join us was welcome, but we were staying home. On Christmas we could get up at o’ dark thirty and hang out and play with our new toys all day long.

Once we became adults, that didn’t really change. We all went home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not until we were in our thirties and we started getting married did it start to get a little complicated. That’s when I started hearing, “I wish it was like it was in the old days.”

But, which day? Before I got married? Well, then I wouldn’t have my husband, stepchildren, and my son to celebrate with.

Or what about the year I lived in Switzerland? I couldn’t make it home for Christmas and, while church in a mountain chapel and dancing the night away in a local disco were fun, I really missed my family. For me, Christmas came two days later when two of my sisters arrived to visit.

I don’t want to miss this year’s Thanksgiving feast or any other holiday celebration because I’m wallowing in the rosy picture of past years. When it was easy, uncomplicated, or simple—or at least that’s how I remember it.

These days, I’m not a romantic. The Romantic poets, philosophers, and artists of the 18^th century lived by the motto: “Any place but here, any time but now.” They romanticized what was no longer, or what hadn’t yet come to be.

I guess I’m a realist, because I choose to live by the motto: “Be here now.”

Thanksgiving this year is not at my parent’s house for the first time in my memory. I could focus on the way things used to be, but I choose not to. I plan to focus on what’s great about this Thanksgiving: Being with my loved ones, family and friends, and enjoying their company (and the food!)

Happy Thanksgiving to you.