As I get ready to teach a class on Energy Drainers again this week, I realize that the language I have used in the past has been less than crystal clear. I used to talk about the things that drained our energy. These days I know that it’s our thoughts about the things that drains our energy.
For example, a cluttered house could be an Energy Drainer—or not. It depends on how you think about it.
If I walk into my cluttered house at the end of a busy day and think, “I’ll never get this place cleaned up before the family comes over for Thanksgiving,” that’s going to drain my energy.
If I walk into my cluttered house at the end of a busy day and think, “Wow, I still have almost two weeks to get this place in shape before Thanksgiving,” that’s going to be much less of a drain on my energy.
If I walk into my cluttered house at the end of a busy day and think, “Wow, what a fun day! I’m so glad I didn’t spend it cleaning!” that’s going to be energizing.
I’ve come to see that any circumstance can be an energy drain, and any circumstance can be energizing. The important thing is to question any thought you have that causes you pain, suffering, or even mild annoyance, resentment, or cynicism.
How do you think anyone would respond to the loss of a job? This circumstances has happened to a lot of my clients over the last 10 years. They have had many different responses to the same circumstance:
- “I’m going to lose my house! How am I going to pay the mortgage?”
- “Oh, thank God! That job was killing me but I just couldn’t make the decision to quit.”
- “Now I can take the summer off with my kids and find something else in the fall.”
How do you think anyone would respond to finding their soul mate? Again, a wider variety of responses than you might expect:
- “As soon as he gets to know me better he’ll dump me!”
- “We’re going to live happily ever after.”
- “My best friend was interested in him first—she’s going to hate me.”
No matter how bad you think your circumstance is, it’s not really the circumstance that causes your suffering: It’s your thoughts about your circumstance that cause your suffering. I think that’s good news.
The really good news is that, if your suffering is a result of your thinking, you have the power to change it.
Not by spouting mantras or giving up on any expectation of a better outcome, but by examining your thoughts and questioning the ones that cause you pain.
Sometimes, just questioning the thought is enough: “Do I really believe my best friend will trash our relationship if I keep dating Bob? No, I don’t.” Phew, what a relief.
Questioning those thoughts is the real solution to Energy Drainers. Try it and let me know what happens.
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I’ll be offering a free presentation on Energy Drainers at the Rodger’s Memorial Library in Hudson, NH, at 700 PM on November 15th. If you live nearby, I’d love to see you there. For more information, click here.