A couple of weeks ago, my friend (and coach) Susan Hyatt sent out an email with a great message. In it, she talked about the great question her coach once gave her: What feels most like love?
Last week, after I drove my son to preschool, my plan was to go running. But it was raining and I forgot my baseball hat.
Maybe I won’t run, I thought.
Suddenly, the question, “What feels most like love?” popped into my head.
My immediate answer: “Going running feels most like love.”
I headed north toward Mine Falls Park.
And I started thinking my favorite grocery store is near Mine Falls. I could just return those milk bottles and pick up a few things instead of run, I thought. I have a lot to do.
“What feels most like love?”
“Running.”
This inner dialogue went on until I was at Mine Falls Park, stretching behind my car. Even then, my monkey mind wouldn’t stop trying to get me to give up on what I love to do.
I thought, Maybe I don’t need to run 5 miles. Maybe 4 miles in the rain is enough.
As soon as I started running, I knew that I’d made the right decision. I feel so good when I run and that feeling spills over into the rest of my day. And I’ve never regretted going running, not even that time I was post-call and hadn’t slept in 36 hours and I tripped over a root and skidded face-first into a pick-up volleyball game in Prospect Park.
Now the question, “What feels most like love?” is ingrained in my brain. I keep asking it no matter what’s going on. Sometimes I ask it in stressful situations and I notice that I didn’t do what love would do—I did what my monkey mind (or ego) wanted me to do, which created more stress, rather than less. In that moment, just noticing and not berating myself became what love would do.
Last night, “What feels most like love?” prompted me to empty the dishwasher and clean the kitchen one last time before bed, so I could wake up to a clean kitchen and a kitchen table that was ready for a morning of rainy day Lego-building fun.
- What feels most like love is to go to bed earlier than I think I “should,” even when I haven’t gotten “everything” done.
- What feels most like love is to end a coaching session on time so I have time to eat and get clear and prepared for my next client call.
- What feels most like love is to say “no” to my son when I feel it’s necessary—and stick to it, so he knows where the boundaries are and he doesn’t have to guess.
Next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself, “What feels most like love?”