I think I’ve finally learned that when I screw up, it doesn’t mean “quit,” or “I can’t do it,” it just means, “try again.”
When I go to my Toastmasters meetings, I usually volunteer for Table Topics. That means you volunteer to speak, get up in front of everyone, then you get asked the question. You’re already committed, even though the topic or the question could be something you know nothing about.
The reason I started volunteering for Table Topics is I was lousy at speaking extemporaneously. I practically stuttered, whether at a club meeting, or out in the real world when someone asked me what I did for a living. “Uh, um…”
One week I volunteered for Table Topics and the question was, “Watching football on Thanksgiving: pro or con?”
It was the week before Thanksgiving and as soon as I heard the question, my heart sank. My honest answer to that question was definitely “con,” and my audience was entirely male. So I decided, before I even opened my mouth, that everyone in the room would disagree with me.
I stammered my way through a response, mentioning family time and togetherness, but not that succinctly. By the time I finished, I was red-faced with embarrassment, and desperate to sit down. In fact, I think I ended by saying, “That’s it.”
I thought about my dismal performance for days afterward.
Two weeks later, I volunteered for Table Topics again. I didn’t want to, but I’d made a commitment to myself. If I didn’t try again, how would I ever get better? I trusted I would, someday, get better.
That week, I was awarded a ribbon for “Best Table Topic.”
Since then, I’ve gradually gotten better at speaking off-the-cuff. I still don’t think it’s my greatest strength, but I no longer stutter and say, “um, uh” when asked a simple question.
I think my strategy for getting better at Table Topics works in many areas of my life.
What’s that saying? The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
If that’s true, then I’m a paradox. (Aren’t we all?)
Unconsciously, I do many things in a “wing-it” kind of way. When I become conscious that “winging-it” isn’t working, I tend to develop a strategy—which usually involves trying again and again, as I do in Toastmasters.
One day my son and I were late for school (I drop him off.) That’s when I realized we were “winging-it” in the mornings. So I sat down with my son and we brainstormed ways to make the mornings easier. His first idea was for me to do everything. I wrote it down but it didn’t make the final list.
Making lunch the night before, packing the gear bag the night before, getting up earlier—those all made the list. So did making a list of what he needed to do to get ready and things he needed to bring to school and posting it by the garage door.
We haven’t been late since.
I’m sure we will be, one of these days. Then we’ll brainstorm again, make a new list, tweak the system, and try again.
When I think about it, try again is a pretty good life strategy.