Danielle LaPorte recently asked a “Burning Question:”
What would you be more of if you let go of the past?
She makes the point that “identifying the source of your crap is only half the journey. The other half is composting it into something radically new.”
I love that she calls it “composting.” We all have a chance to take the “garbage” in our lives and make it fuel for energy and growth.
In considering Danielle’s question, I feel that I would be more of a rebel, less of a rule follower, if I let go of my past. But I recognize that I don’t want to break rules just to break rules—I want to break rules that are harmful to me or someone else. By break, I really mean “challenge.” I’m definitely getting better at it.
Over the past few years I’ve had multiple opportunities to “challenge” another person’s rules. I don’t mean legal rules like “drive on the right side of the road.” I mean rules that are in someone else’s head—rules about what I should or shouldn’t do in order for them to be happy.
Growing up, I thought I had to follow everybodies rules. I didn’t know I had a choice—most kids don’t.
As an adult, I am able to see why people follow the rules that they do: Oh, I see, talking about money makes them uncomfortable. That’s why they have that rule. Or: When I talk about how happy my marriage is, it forces them to look at their own marriage—that’s why she makes fun of me when I try to tell a positive story about my husband.
Those examples are interesting to me because any insight I have into someone else’s stuff also gives me insight into myself, but even more interesting to me is what happens when I break someone else’s rule—unwittingly.
Recently, I told my doctor I didn’t think I needed to wait two weeks after my last visit to find out I had an infection and needed antibiotics—by letter, no less. I had seen one of his colleagues but I wanted him to know that the system failed (in that instance), so it wouldn’t happen again. Turns out, one of his rules is: “No one is allowed to question me or any of my colleagues.” He got very angry and told me I was wrong, that two weeks was just fine. I did not agree. I kept my goal in mind: to get good care from my doctor, and kept returning to the fact that two weeks is too long to wait—that’s not good care.
Then he reviewed my labs and chart and, when he came back, he apologized.
I said, “Thank you.”
In the past, I might have gotten defensive right back—or backed down and apologized to him!
I can see that I’ve composted some of my own stuff and made the decision (most days) not to let other people’s garbage bother me too much.
You?