How well do you receive compliments? Do you accept them with a gracious “Thank you?” or do you brush them away?
How do you feel when you offer a sincere compliment and it is accepted graciously? How about when it is brushed aside?
When someone offers you a compliment, it is about that person. By saying “thank you,” you acknowledge the person’s perspective. By discounting the compliment, you are discounting the person’s perspective.
I used to find it difficult to accept compliments but these days I’m much better at it, partly because I know that the compliment is really not about me, and partly because I know that I am worthy of a few compliments. (We all are.)
Having an identical twin helps, too.
Once I was at an event where I wore my contact lenses instead of my glasses. Two different people that day told me I had beautiful eyes. I said “thank you,” and I believed them. You know why? Because my twin sister’s eyes are amazing. Sometimes when I look in her eyes, I think, “Wow, her eyes are the coolest color.” I never think that about my eyes, but when someone complimented my eyes, I thought of my sister’s eyes and said “thank you.”
My sister and I are identical. Our hair is different and we don’t weigh exactly the same, but strangers still ask us if we are twins when we go out together. So, if my eyes are the same as my sisters and I don’t think there is anything special about my eyes, but her eyes are amazing, then the difference is in how I think, not how I look.
Knowing that helped me become a little more gracious in accepting compliments. It also helped when I gave someone a compliment and the compliment was rejected. I didn’t take it personally, I realize the rejection is not about me, it’s about them. I don’t mean this in a negative way, it’s a really good thing. I get to think whatever positive thing I want about that person, even if they disagree!
Can you take a compliment?
I find it hard to accept a compliment. They seem to happen more often in the middle of an ongoing task or process, so I brush it off with the completed task and move on to the next one.
It may just be me, but the process of ‘continuous improvement’ can be a double-edged sword, depending on one’s optimist or pessimist mindset. The optimist sees a new challenge, while a pessimist will see an never-ending process they can never ‘win’.
Hi D. James,
Yes, it can be difficult to accept a compliment. One way to avoid brushing it off is to write it down when you get a chance. You can keep a list tucked in a drawer of “brags” or “compliments” or just nice things people said about you. I did that for a while and found it helpful when I was feeling like I never did anything right.
As far as “continuous improvement,” I think it’s more a case of “two steps forward, one step back.” I think cultivating acceptance of ourselves as we are right now is one way to avoid that pessimistic outlook on life and be able able to accept compliments from others.
Thanks for your comments!
Warmly,
Diane