Blogs
Healing Choices
A Clue to What I’m Feeling Right Now
One day last summer when my sister, my son, and I were shopping, we saw a display of wooden signs. The one that caught my son’s eye was: “If stupid could fly, this place would be an airport.” I’m pretty sure he gets his love of sarcasm from me. 🙂 The one my sister...
Am I Lonely?
One day not too long ago, I thought to myself, I'm lonely. My husband, whose hobby is wild life photography, was immersed in editing the pictures from his last trip, and my son was playing online with his cousins. I was unpacking from the same trip, as the three of...
Lessons Learned from Doing Scary-Exciting Things
On February 16, 2021, I decided to try do one scary (exciting!) thing a day. Not a scary-yucky thing, but something I’d really like to do if I had enough courage or if I suddenly couldn’t feel fear. I decided to pretend I had enough courage and think about what I...
To Create Good Habits, Look for the Evidence
Habits are tricky. They are insidious. They can steal time or give you back time. I’ve come to believe that habits are the key to a healthy life. The things we habitually do, as well as the things we habitually don’t do, make the difference between feeling good and...
Do You Function, Overfunction, or Underfunction in Your Life?
When my husband and I were first married, I quickly realized he was very tech-savvy and he loved gadgets. In fact, while I was doing my first coach training with Martha Beck (way back in 2003,) I called him from Arizona and mentioned I was going to need a website in...
Self-Doubt and Rumination Happen When Bad Things Happen
Not long ago, a client told me he’s recently been going over things that happened in the past—things he wasn’t proud of, but things he’d come to terms with. “I thought I had dealt with all that stuff,” he said, “but lately I just keep going over them. I can’t seem to...
Approval-Seeking Prevents Presence
I took my son to the dentist for his six-month cleaning recently and he had a new hygienist. She was very good with my son, who is still fairly uncomfortable with the whole process. He had to have x-rays and she explained everything to him and got the first picture. I...
One Scary-Exciting Thing a Day
A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about doing one scary thing a day. The practice has been very helpful for me and my clients but a recent conversation made me think I wasn’t clear enough with that post. As Brené Brown says: “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.” I...
Changing Habits: Sometimes Easy, Sometimes Not
One Saturday morning when I was a first year medical student, I got off the subway and stopped off at the bodega to get a cup of coffee on my way to school to study for the biochemistry test on Monday. I got to my study carrel, unloaded my books, and drank my coffee...
One Scary Thing a Day
Recently, I decided to do something scary once a day. Very recently. Two days ago, actually. Today will be the third day but I haven’t done anything scary yet. Two days ago I called the medical school I went to to update my information in the alumni directory. Not...
Whole Healer
Am I Only a Doctor? In a Word: No
Once you become a doctor, it can seem like that’s all you are. I’ve written about the road to this “single identity” here. Many of us feel that the other parts of ourselves got lost along the way, but there are things you can do that will help you expand into all the...
If I Leave Medicine, Who Am I?
We take on the identity of “Doctor” long before we get the degree of Doctor of Medicine. For me, it started when I was 11 years old and decided I was going to be a doctor. I had many reasons for this decision: I couldn’t think of anything more useful than being a...
I Learned to Meditate When I Was at My Most Miserable
Don’t get me wrong, I had (have!) a great life. At the time I realized I was so miserable, many years ago, I was just working way too many hours and had no time to enjoy my great life. Once I realized I was miserable, I tried to meditate. (That’s supposed to help,...
Doctor is Not Your Only Identity
Recently, I had three different conversations with three different people who were all part of the medical profession. The conversations echoed each other in a way that made me really think about how we medical types identify ourselves. Long before I started medical...
One Deep Breath Changes All
We spend our days in exam rooms with patients. One after the other. We walk in the room to connect, problem-solve, and heal. How we feel when we walk into that room is important. Taking a little time—a microsecond—to manage our feelings before we step across that...
Journaling While Exhausted Reveals Limiting Belief
There was a day, back when I was working full-time as a family physician, when I sat at the water’s edge on a beautiful, rugged beach in Maine, trying to enjoy the view and the sound of the waves, despite my exhaustion. As it turned out, that was the only day I got to...
How to Help Your Patients Make Positive Changes Using The Four Tendencies Framework
As physicians, we do a lot of different things for a lot of different people including, hopefully, ourselves. Sometimes we are more successful than other times.. In her book, Gretchen Rubin explores how we handle expectations—internal and external, and I found it a...
How Cognitive Dissonance Can Help You Grow
Have you ever become defensive when your partner told you you’ve been working late too much, and claimed, “I always put this family first!” yet you know the reality is you’ve missed dinner and bedtime with the kids every night this week? Have you ever ignored expert...
A Mistake Was Made
One of the stories that has haunted me since medical school didn’t even happen to me. It happened to my good friend Ben, a tall man with a sweet smile and a gentle manner. We were doing our surgery rotation at a private hospital in Brooklyn and the chief resident, Dr....
Complaining is a Choice
When we complain about a situation, or “vent,” we are actually releasing some of the pressure we feel when we are in the situation, so it feels slightly less intolerable.
This is not necessarily a good thing.