Recently, I decided to do something scary once a day. Very recently. Two days ago, actually. Today will be the third day but I haven’t done anything scary yet.
Two days ago I called the medical school I went to to update my information in the alumni directory.
Not scary?
It was for me.
I have been getting emails from my old school asking me to update my information for the directory. I have ignored them.
“I’m busy,” I told myself as I hit delete. “I’ll get to it,” I said when the next email came. I’m not sure how I was going to do that after I hit delete—again.
Then I got the postcard in the mail. The VERY IMPORTANT—DON’T DELAY—WE NEED YOUR HELP—postcard.
I had an instantaneous emotional response: intense dread.
Then I had a thought: Why am I having such a strong reaction to this very small postcard?
I decided to examine my thoughts. I believe our thoughts cause our feelings so I knew there must be some unconscious thought or thoughts that was causing me to feel this way.
I did some mind-searching and I found quite a few thoughts that came up in response to the idea of updating my information in the directory:
- I’m not in practice anymore so I don’t deserve to be in the directory.
- I don’t want everyone to know I’m not a doctor anymore.
- Everyone will think I’m wasting my education.
- Nobody goes to med school to become a life coach.
- What will they think of me?
While none of these thoughts were very useful (or of any use at all!) the last one was the one that caused the intense dread.
What will “everyone” think of me when they find out I’m a life coach, not a doctor?
I thought I had dealt with all my limiting beliefs around the changes I made in my career, but this small, beige postcard brought them all back.
Once I examined my beliefs I realized I didn’t want them to stop me. I’m proud of the work I do now and I would like my fellow alumni to know what I do and how to reach me. So I did The Work (of Byron Katie) on my thoughts and I called the number on the card.
Guess what?
I had already updated my information—years ago. I had already listed my profession as Master Certified Life Coach in the Alumni Directory of SUNY Health Science Center at Brooklyn.
So that was kind of anti-climactic.
But it just goes to show that we can deal with our limiting beliefs, move forward, and then they come around again.
What do we do?
We look at these limiting beliefs again. We question them and we decide, on a conscious level, whether or not we want to continue to believe these thoughts. We decide we’re not going to let these beliefs stop us.
Then we do something scary. To serve ourselves and to serve others.
What’s one scary thing you could do today to move forward?
I LOVE this, Diane. Some of the things that scare me are obvious. Today I posted an introductory video on a FB group, to almost 1000 strangers. I’ve done them before, so I wasn’t terrified, but it still took some internal work to do. I was proud!
What I find interesting, though, is that I often procrastinate when I have nebulous tasks. There’s no real threat, just uncertainty, and a dread that the task is huge and will continue unfolding. This has been slowed me down incredibly in the past, but I’m learning to deal with it head on.
Hi Shlomit,
Thanks for your comments. Good for you for introducing yourself on FB! That sounds scary to me, too. I think the reason the vague tasks are so difficult is because of the unconscious thoughts we think about them: “That’s going to take forever!” I don’t have time for this.” I’ve found it helpful to write those thoughts down so I can look at them and question them as well as reality-check them. Once I put off organizing my recipes for months and months. When I finally did it the whole task took less than 15 minutes. I realized then I’d unconsciously been thinking it would take “forever.” Now I think of that to help me get the next vague task off my list.
Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate your vulnerability and admire your courage.
The scary thing for me to do today is to let go of internalizing personal responsibility for the needs and cares of others.
Hi Ariana,
Thanks for your comments and your kind words. Here’s to doing (good) scary things, whatever that is for each of us!
This is so amazing on so many levels. I love the title – totally grabbed me right way – and your journey of how this request initially got to you and how you worked through it. You are doing great work and helping other physicians. You know their pain; you know their day to day life. That’s what makes you a great coach for that audience. Oh, and I didn’t know you went to med school in my hometown of Brooklyn!!! Yeah for Brooklyn.
Hey Michele,
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them. And, yes, I got to live in Brooklyn and go to school there for 4 years. There are still days when I miss it!
Ah! This is so great. What an amazing reminder that we sometimes keep holding onto versions of ourselves and our worries, even when we have taken steps to slough them off.
I love this: “to serve ourselves and to serve others.” It’s easier for me to do something scary if it is to serve someone else.
Hey Angie,
Thanks for your comments! I agree, it’s easier to do something or justify something if it is to serve my people, but I also have come to believe that if it serves me it serves others, too–not in an “I need a day off and a massage” kind of way but in a “the more rested and energized I am, the more I can serve” kind of way.
Such a great example of your courage and how individual our ‘scary things’ can be. Congratulations on this project. As has been said, we banish fear by doing what scares us.
Hi Pascale,
I believe that! I can’t grow by staying comfortable. I have to do the things that are scary–or at least, a little uncomfortable! Thanks for your kind words.
Thanks for this Diane! For me, it’s reaching out to my network to ask for help. I’ve been conditioned since I was a kid to rely on myself and don’t bother other people. The truth is, most people want to be helpful and see you (and others) do well. So, I’m going to reach out to 2 people in my network today to see if they can help me out. Introduce me to someone that could help my business grow and develop.
Hey Peter,
Good for you! People love to help people. I wonder why our culture teaches us not to ask for help, because we all do at times. Congratulations on doing something scary to move yourself and your business forward!
Love it! And I’m a Byron Katie fan too. The scary thing I need to do to move forward is to prioritize and but some things on the back burner to make room. I’m getting 20% of everything done and I need to let go/delay some things so I can hit 100% one or two at a time. STILL hard to do. STILL scary.
Hi Heather,
My word for this year is FOCUS. I have had to let go of a lot of good things to focus on a few really great things. It’s a work in progress, but I can definitely feel the momentum from really prioritizing a few things, rather than feeling scattered and trying to do all the things. Good luck and thanks for your comments!
I am re-examining the deeper why behind where I think I’m taking my business…and talking to others about it as well…that’s where it ‘feels’ scary, but in truth, what scares me is the tenacity that conditioned thoughts and habits that no longer serve me can have even after you think you’ve moved on. Little buggers! Mindfulness, contemplation, inquiry, and, most of all, self-compassion helps!
Hi Sally,
Yes! I couldn’t believe it when I realized I’d already gone through this same grief and anxiety before. How many times will I have to deal with this same thought? Until it’s finally unlearned, I guess. I’m willing to do the work, but yes, it is a little scary to realize how tenacious these limiting beliefs are. Then again, we can’t change what we’re unaware of, so I’m at least on the path. Thanks for your comments!