A few months ago, I did something I don’t usually do.
Some people that I admire and trust told me I “should” reach out to a particular person in my field as we had so much in common.
I “should” know better than to try to connect with someone just because others think it’s a good idea. While this person, on paper, looked like someone I had a lot in common with, I saw that she presented herself primarily as a businessperson and I noticed that she appeared to coach others in a way that I felt was ineffective. (I could be wrong about that.)
Louise Hays, in her book, You Can Heal Your Life talks about the fact that “should” is always negative.
If you should do something, should have done something, or should be doing something, it means that you didn’t do it, aren’t doing it, or aren’t going to do it.
How can that be positive?
A good friend talks about “should” in a different way: If she hears herself say” I should…” she’ll stop and say, “Listen to me, shoulding all over myself!”
But I forgot all I ever learned about “should” and reached out to the person that others said I should. I didn’t feel a strong connection to the person, but I did it anyway. I went to her website and reviewed it and sent an email introducing myself to her. Then I made a (thoughtful, I thought!) comment on one of her blog posts.
I didn’t hear anything back from her. I was curious, so I went back a week later to her website and found that she had removed my comment from her blog—while leaving the obvious sales pitch in the comment before mine.
My first thought was that I didn’t want to interact with people who disregarded other people like that.
Then I got clear and realized that I wasn’t reaching out to her in an authentic way—so how could she respond in an authentic way?
What goes around, comes around. I got back what I put out. While I did write a sincere introduction and post a thoughtful comment, I did it with the thought in the back of my mind that this person and I were not kindred spirits.
It was a good reminder that energy is being exchanged in any encounter and so, I need to come from a very clean, real place.
These days I’m focusing on interacting with people who I’m excited to be around, people who I feel myself around. Whether it’s a family member a friend, a colleague, or a client, I’m hanging with the people with whom I feel good.
The exchanges feel a lot better. Again, I get back what I put out into the world. I’m not for everyone, and that’s okay. It would be a boring world if we were all the same.
What are you putting out into the world?