I once spent a day with a small group of people and horse whisperer Koelle Simpson. That day was such a miracle. Although at first I was in a pen with an enormous horse who was kicking out and totally ignoring me, by the end of the day I experienced a “join-up” with a horse (when the horse acknowledges you as the leader of the herd and follows you). I learned to consciously change my energy so I could communicate with the horse. It was an exhilarating day.
It wasn’t until later, as I reflected on the day, that I realized that I change my energy all the time. Especially with my patients. Not in a manipulative way, but in order to meet them where they are.
If I walk into an exam room to see a patient, and the patient is standing up, arms folded, I change my energy.
If I walk into an exam room to see a patient and the patient is a toddler, I change my energy.
Why? So I can clearly communicate with my patient. Just as with the horses, my nonverbal demeanor speaks more to my patients than do my words.
If I walk in the room frazzled and scattered, is the patient going to get the idea that I am here to help them? No.
Same thing goes for parenting my son. One night my son was dragging out drinking his milk to the point of ridiculousness, and I was so frustrated I was ready to cry.
I finally realized this isn’t working, took a deep breath and asked myself: “What would I do if I was totally focused on him and what was best for him in this moment?”
I said, “Joe, take one more sip and then you’re all done with your milk.” He took one last drag at the sippy cup and handed it to me.
What?! It was that easy?
Well, no, it’s not easy at all. Leadership is hard; clear communication is hard. Just like my experience with the (seemingly wild) horse, Joey was waiting for me to lead him. Normally, I lead my son much earlier than I did that evening, but for whatever reason (fatigue, perhaps?) I stopped communicating clearly in those few minutes before he went to bed.
Whether we realize it or not, we change our energy all the time to communicate nonverbally with others. An interesting question is: What are we communicating?
We can clearly communicate “I’m a victim.” Can you picture it? I bet you can.
We can clearly communicate “I can help.” Bet you can picture that, too. For me as a physician and a life coach, that means taking a deep breath before I go into the room (or pick up the phone), and focusing on what my patient or my client needs, before I even meet them.
One way to communicate clearly is to change your energy. Do you? With your clients, your patients, your family members?