One of my favorite life coaching tools is the metaphor tool. Martha Beck taught it to me many years ago and I use it all the time—with my clients and also I use it myself.
If you’d like to use the metaphor tool, think of some big area of your life that you are having trouble with—something with a capital letter, like Love, or Money, or Sex.
What image comes to mind when you think about Money, for example? Close your eyes and think, Money. Notice what comes.
It could be an image, a color, a memory—anything at all. Describe it, whatever “it” is. Write about it in your journal or describe it in detail to a friend.
Not easy? I know. Here’s an example from when I first used this tool (many years ago.)
When I think about money I get the image of a cat, skulking around the edge of the room, tail straight up in the air and twitching.
When I think more about it, this is what comes up for me: Yeah, a cat—you have to take care of it but it doesn’t come when you call. It’s only there when it wants to be. It doesn’t pay you any attention.
What color is the cat? Black.
You can see from this description that my thoughts about money back in the day were not that helpful for me. And the cat metaphor really did describe how I thought about money. I grew up in a working class family and I had the idea that money was fickle and undependable and I would never have any control over it.
So what’s the big deal about knowing what your Money Metaphor? (Or your Love Metaphor, etc?)
Once you know what your Money Metaphor is, you can change it.
Consciously changing the metaphor helps you change your thinking and will lead to concrete changes in the real world. I don’t know the brain science behind this (I don’t think anyone does—yet) but I’ve seen it work over and over, in my own life and in my clients’ lives.
The first time I changed my money metaphor, I changed the cat that I described above into a cute grey kitten named Annie who came when I called and who loved me and appreciated the good care I gave her. She behaved more like a dog than a cat and was always happy to see me when I got home.
I described this new money metaphor to Martha one day and I was really excited about it.
“But a kitten’s tiny,” Martha said. “You’re not going to make much money that way.”
“Oh,” I said, disappointed.
“Why don’t you make it a tiger?” Martha asked.
“Because a tiger would kill me!”
Interesting. When I looked at my thoughts about money, my reaction rang true. Growing up, I never heard good things about “rich people.” They were oblivious at best and evil at worst.
But did I really believe that rich people were evil? No. I think more money makes you more of what you already are. If you are generous when you don’t have a lot of money, you will be generous when you have a lot of money. If you are thoughtless of others when you don’t have money, you will be thoughtless of others when you have money.
So I changed my money metaphor again. Now when I think about my money metaphor, I picture myself sitting under a baobab tree (like in Out of Africa) at a huge writing desk and there is a Bengal tiger under the desk, snoozing on my feet. He is my friend and companion. I take great care of him and he protects me from harm. It’s a peaceful, relaxing scene.
I believe the changes I’ve made in my money metaphor are reflected in my real life and my current relationship with money. I have much more respect for money than I used to, and I use it wisely. I don’t use credit cards and I know that all my needs are taken care of, even as I choose to pay off debt rather than buy something new.
Try the metaphor tool yourself, see what comes up, and then make a conscious decision to change your metaphor. Choose to think about this new metaphor often, and watch what happens as the metaphor brings positive change to an area of your life you didn’t know how to improve.
What’s your metaphor for…Money, Love, Sex, Aging, Chronic Illness, Family Obligation, or Femininity/Masculinity?
I’d love to hear what you come up with.