A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about doing one scary thing a day. The practice has been very helpful for me and my clients but a recent conversation made me think I wasn’t clear enough with that post.
As Brené Brown says: “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”
I was talking to a friend who reads my blog while we were walking and she told me about a situation that was happening at work. Six months ago, she’d expressed interest in being part of an event that was going to happen this summer. Since then, she’d heard nothing about the event until this week, when the person in charge of the event asked her to commit to doing it. The event was a multi-day summit for a group of clients who had already signed on.
I asked what my friend’s role was going to be. She said she would be teaching some of the workshops, but she didn’t know the schedule, what workshops she’d be teaching, what resources she would have, how much time she’d be allotted to work on the summit, or who else would be working on the summit.
The lead on the project said she wasn’t planning to create the schedule or do any of the logistics until she had a firm commitment from my friend, and one other person who had expressed interest, but who was now backing away rapidly because of the lack of structure and content.
“She wants me to ‘trust’ her to get it done,” my friend told me. “Oh, and she’s handed in her resignation!” She doesn’t have a new job yet, but if she gets one, she’ll be gone by the time the summit happens.”
“So, do you trust her?”
“No way!”
I asked my friend if she really wanted to do this summit.
“No, I have plenty of things I’d rather be doing,” she said.
“Then what’s the problem?” I stopped walking to face her. “Why are you even considering it?”
“Well, I read your blog about doing scary things and I thought maybe I should do this because it’s scary.”
Oh.
We started walking again as I absorbed this surprising statement.
When I say, “Do one scary thing a day,” I mean, “Do one scary-exciting thing a day.”
Think about something you’d really like to do but…
- you’re afraid of what other people will think, or
- you’re not 100% sure it will work out, or
- it seems selfish because it’s only for you, not for somebody else.
That’s scary-exciting: This would be great if only I were brave enough…smart enough…good enough.
Scary-exciting = something you would do if your limiting beliefs (primitive brain) didn’t hold you back.
There are some things that are just scary. Or even scary-yucky.
Those are the things you don’t want to do. At all.
So don’t do them.
I asked my friend if preparing for and working at this summit was scary-exciting to her or scary-yucky.
“Scary-yucky.” Then she added, “Duh.”
(She’s a good friend.)
“Then don’t do it.” I said. “Duh.”
(She’s a very good friend.)
What’s scary-exciting to you? Breathe through the fear, and do it.
What’s scary-yucky to you? Don’t do it!
Thanks Diane. I read this post this morning and decided to show my office mate a recording of myself playing the guitar. We had talked about it last week and she was interested, but I was too scared to show her the video. I showed it to her today and it felt great.
Hey Beth! Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It’s funny how scary these small things feel to us, isn’t it? Strong work!
I love the scary – exciting/ scary-yucky distinction. Thank you!
Hi Linda,
Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is a great post Diane! It really resonates with me right now as I’ve gone through some scary-exciting change recently. I’m hoping more scary-exciting change is coming soon. Thank you for sharing, love your work!
Hey Rebekah!
Thanks for your kind comments. Scary-exciting is way better than scary-yucky, yes?!
I love this distinction between scary-exciting and scary-yucky! Really useful.
Thanks, Shlomit, for your comments–and for reading!
Finding that discernment between scary-exciting and scary-yucky can make all the difference. Thanks for the reminder to trust my intuition.
Hey Pascale,
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Scary … big one. Not so much a thrill seeker – but making the decision to do something new and commit to it can feel scary – but in a good way.
Making the commitment recently to start writing my second book was one example of that.
Hi Ton,
Writing another book? That is scary-exciting! Best wishes with it!
I love the distinction between scary-exciting and scary-yucky.
Scary-exciting is every iteration of GoGoDone I make. Even when it doesn’t work.
I am finally coming to terms with the fact that presenting is scary-yucky to me. I can do it and do it well, but I am a stresssssss case while doing it.
Hey Heather,
It’s all good information. As time goes by, I’m less willing to do the scary-yucky stuff and more interested in the scary-exciting! Even above just being comfortable.
Great distinction Diane. Your friend is lucky to have you! For me, the scary-exciting is when I’m skippering a sailboat, especially in all women regattas or when the wind is blowing like stink on the SF Bay. ⛵️
Hi Sally,
That sounds very scary-exciting! I hope you are out sailing a lot this summer!
I love the distinction between scary-exiting and scary-yucky. It’s good to keep in mind. I also appreciate the nudge to be a bit more present for scary-exciting in my day to day life.
Love the qualifier. Often for achieving our dreams we need to stretch ourselves and it is common to say things like” do what you don’t want to do” but this does not take into consideration that for many of us and my clients too, we are conditioned to please others and not think of ourselves so we need to qualify and you did that so super well in this article!
I really appreciate the distinction you’ve drawn here. Not all fear is created equal and those times I am excited but scared – I say, “I’m nexcited” to make the excitement more pronounced.
What is scary-exciting for me right now is leaning into my strengths, sharing my gifts and letting my business blossom after having taken root the last 10 years.
This is such a good distinction. It’s like “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Well…maybe. That’s often not such good advice!
I was just thinking about the word fear and wondering if there is another word that would describe the fears we should face in a more eloquent way. Scary-exciting is a good one!
Thanks, Michele!
I love, love this. As a person who is not at all averse to risk, I like the distinction of scary-exciting and scary-yucky. I find I do a lot of scary-yucky just because I was asked, but really is that anyway to spend my increasingly precious time? I say nay.
I agree, Nancy! Let’s stick to the scary-exciting stuff! Thanks for reading and commenting!