Have you ever become defensive when your partner told you you’ve been working late too much, and claimed, “I always put this family first!” yet you know the reality is you’ve missed dinner and bedtime with the kids every night this week?
Have you ever ignored expert advice because it doesn’t match your current behavior? Said, “Oh, what does she know?” when your doctor told you to cut back on red meat? Procrastinated on making a will even though the estate planner you hired told you it was the first thing you should do?
If you have, you’ve experienced cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a term from psychology that describes the discomfort we feel when two thoughts, ideas, beliefs or values contradict each other. When we try to hold both thoughts in our minds, we see (and feel) the inconsistency and it bothers us.
When we feel unsettled, uncomfortable, or out-of-integrity, we try to resolve those feelings in a few different ways, some more constructive than others.
We may ignore one of the beliefs and discount it, even when the belief is supported by fact: the number or hours you’ve spent at home vs. the number of hours you’ve spent at the office or in the hospital, for example.
Or we may consciously examine the inconsistency and decide to change our behavior.
If we hold the belief, as most medical professionals do, that exercise is one of the most important things we can do for our health, yet we haven’t worked out in months, we are going to feel uncomfortable when giving our patients the advice that they need to exercise regularly.
Maybe there comes a day when we give the same advice—that we aren’t taking—to too many patients, and we decide to change our behavior and get back into an exercise routine–and into integrity with our values.
Another way we handle cognitive dissonance is by examining both beliefs and making a conscious decision to embrace one belief and let go of another.
If we hold the unconscious belief that our patients always come first, it will be very difficult to stick to an exercise regimen, get enough sleep, or really, have any fun at all.
As soon as you schedule your exercise time, decide to go to bed early, or take a long weekend away with friends, you will be uncomfortable.
Because behind those conscious decisions is the underlying belief that patients come first.
If you don’t examine that belief, bring it out in the open, you will sabotage yourself over and over.
You may make it to a couple exercise classes, but then you’ll start cancelling.
You may go to bed early a few times, but you’ll quickly revert to your previous schedule of staying up late to get everything done.
You may get away with your friends, but you’ll end up spending big chunks of time on your laptop, keeping up with charts and labs rather than spending time with people you love.
Once examined, you can work on letting go of the beliefs that don’t serve you.
You can notice how much more energy for your work you have after a weekend away, or how much more efficient you are after a good night’s sleep.
Either way, knowing yourself and bringing your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and values to your conscious attention will help you resolve that cognitive dissonance and feel better every day.