It’s easy to feel that the days are a grind and nothing really changes. But here we are at the end of the year—and the end of a decade.
If you take a look back, you can see that you’ve changed. Maybe your life isn’t that different from what it was a year ago, but my guess is it’s very different than it was ten years ago.
And you are different.
There were things that used to bother you that don’t any more.
There are stories you used to tell about what happened that you don’t tell any more. Or, you tell them differently. Now, instead of painting yourself the victim, you see yourself as the creative.
Can you see that you have you evolved over the last year? The last 10 years?
You have.
Maybe, in one or more areas of your life, you have more compassion for others.
Maybe you are more forgiving of yourself (and, therefore, others,) than you used to be.
Take a moment to notice.
For myself, I have more compassion for myself. I’ve been practicing self-compassion (thanks, Kristin Neff!) and I think it’s made a difference. When I screw up, I’m more able to take a deep breath, let it out, and talk to myself as I would a friend. Instead of, “How could you have done that, you idiot?” I’m more likely to hear, “We all make mistakes. It’ll be okay.”
I say “more likely” because it’s a process and a practice. I occasionally fall back into my negative self-talk, but less and less these days.
I’m so grateful.
Because what I noticed is that when I’m calling myself names, I’m also getting irritable with everyone around me. I’m no longer present and everything suddenly becomes more difficult. The negative self-talk spirals from “I’m so stupid!” to “why does everything go wrong?”
Then suddenly I’m mad at my son for doing things that every 10-year-old does. Instead of feeling calm and moving things along, I’m hustling him out the door, saying “Why can’t you get ready on time?”
If, instead, I’m hearing “We all make mistakes. It’ll be okay,” I can still be present. I’m calm and I can see what I need to do (if anything) next.
In the same situation with my son, I ask questions: “What do you need to do to get ready?” or “Can you check the list?” And I make sure I leave a buffer of 15 minutes so if we’re late we’re actually right on time.
Self-compassion, I believe, is the path to compassion for all. And I have more self-compassion than I did a year ago. And definitely more than I did ten years ago.
How are you different—in a positive way—today than you were a year ago? Than you were ten years ago?
Take a moment to notice and appreciate how you’ve grown.
Happy New Year!