I’ve noticed lately that a lot of people are in my business—and I don’t like it.
I think: They need to mind their own business.
So now who’s business am I in? Right—their business.
Byron Katie says there are only three kinds of business: your business, my business, and God’s business.
God’s business is anything that you can’t control: the weather, driving conditions, the behavior of wild animals.
Trying to control God’s business is an exercise in futility. Just because you really want to go out, the snowstorm is not going to go away—unless it does. It’s not up to you.
What my (adult) loved ones do, say, and think is not my business—it’s their business. No matter how much I wish it was; no matter how much I may think I know about what they should do, say, or think.
My business is what I have control over, so my business is only what has to do with me in the present moment. The only time I can make changes is now. The future is out of my control, the past is definitely out of my control, and when I think that it isn’t, I suffer.
Since I don’t like to suffer, I’m working hard on trying to stay in my business. It’s not always easy. It’s very human to try to control other people’s behavior.
The biggest problem with minding other people’s business, as Katie points out, is that you cannot mind your business when you are minding someone else’s business. So if I am giving my husband a hard time because I think he’s not paying enough attention to me, I’m also not paying enough attention to me—I’m paying attention to him instead! If I focus my attention back on me, then I stop stressing about how much attention he is paying me and figure out what I need in the moment.
I have noticed every time I have a thought about what someone else should or shouldn’t do (say, be), the thought also applies to me. Always.
When I think, He should pick his socks up off the floor, I notice that I don’t always pick my socks up off the floor.
When I think, I wish she would worry less about what other people think, I notice that I also worry about what other people think.
When I think, Wow, he’s so judgmental! I notice that I am being judgmental.
Noticing that other people are in my business has made me notice how much time I spend in other people’s business. Once I notice, I can accept that I’m in someone else’s business and then get out. I step back into my own business this way:
I notice that I’m being judgmental, for example, and I think, okay, I’ll let go of calling them judgmental until I am no longer judgmental. That’s it.
But it’ll take me a while, so in the meantime, I’m minding my own business.