My husband just started a new job, one he’s really excited about.
And what do I find myself thinking about?
Basically, how this affects me. More specifically, I’ve been thinking thoughts like:
He’s never home anymore.
I don’t have any time to work on my stuff.
I have to do everything now.
Once I realized what I was thinking—and how lousy it was making me feel, I decided to change my thoughts.
But guess what? That’s easier said than done.
So I took another look at those thoughts—and saw another thought underlying all the others: I shouldn’t have to deal with all this.
Okay, now I’m getting somewhere.
Because, really, why shouldn’t I have to deal with this?
When my husband first interviewed for this job, we talked about it a lot. It’s not like he came home one day and said, “I’m starting a new job on Monday. I won’t be home much and when I am here I’ll be distracted by my work, so suck it up.”
When he was offered the job, I asked if it was something he really wanted to do.
His answer was “yes,” so I said, “Go for it.”
And now I’m whining about it.
The best way I know how to change my thinking is to do The Work (Byron Katie) on my thoughts.
Here goes:
Thought: I shouldn’t have to deal with all this.
Question 1: Is it true? No.
(Skip Question 2, which is: Can I really know this thought is true?)
Question 3: How do I feel when I think this thought? I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, like I’m all alone in the world. I feel abandoned and lonely and like I have to take care of everything myself. When I feel this way I get very quiet and lost in my thoughts and I don’t reach out to others, including my husband.
Question 4: How would you feel if you couldn’t think this thought? I would feel great. I’d feel excited for my husband and proud of him and I’d be happy because I am so lucky to be able to stay home with my son. If I couldn’t think this thought, I would notice when my husband was home, rather than only notice when he was away. I’d feel grateful for all that we have.
Turnaround: I should have to deal with all this. Yep, this is just as true as the opposite statement. I should have to deal with it because I chose it. I had my eyes open and I knew exactly what my husband’s new job would involve.
Since I did The Work on my thoughts about my husband’s new job, I really do feel better. I was thinking I didn’t have a choice, but that was a lie.
Just because I think a thought, doesn’t mean it’s true.
What are you thinking lately? Is it true?