Blogs
Healing Choices
Are You Using Generalized Language to Keep Yourself Stuck?
Last year, a client, I’ll call her May, told me about someone who’d seen all the work she’d put into the report she was sending to her boss. At the time, her colleague had told her, “This is supposed to be a 1 page summary! You don’t need to do all this work every...
Back to the Basics
When we are in crisis mode, and we are all in crisis mode these days, in some way or another, we need to be gentle with ourselves and stick to the basics. 1. Eat as healthily and mindfully as you can. Then, when you don’t eat healthy, tell yourself it’s okay, and...
Anxiety vs. Reality
One morning recently I woke up with a feeling of...I couldn’t quite name it. I felt unsettled, like something was wrong. I started to think of all the different areas of my life, looking for a cause for the feeling. My mom...was at risk. My son...wasn’t learning...
Slow It Down
The speed of life seems to get faster and faster, so I have found it more important to try to slow it down. The only way I know how to do that is by staying present as much as possible. When I say, “as much as possible,” I don’t mean that I spend 90% of my time truly...
Blame Doesn’t Serve Us
A number of years ago, a friend and I were traveling to and from New York City together. While we were at Grand Central Station, grabbing a bite to eat before our train left, someone stole my friend’s purse. She’d left it underneath her seat. My friend was very upset,...
How Are You Different?
It’s easy to feel that the days are a grind and nothing really changes. But here we are at the end of the year—and the end of a decade. If you take a look back, you can see that you’ve changed. Maybe your life isn’t that different from what it was a year ago, but my...
Self-Pity is Not Self-Compassion
I recently spoke to a group about self-compassion. I’ve spoken on this topic before, but this time I talked about the two sides of self-compassion, based on the most recent work of Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher who has been studying compassion for years. One of the...
Mistakes are Made…and that’s Okay
I grew up believing I should never make a mistake. That there was something wrong with me when I did make a mistake, as of course I did, all the time! The result of my belief was that I felt terrible every time I made a mistake. Which means, I felt terrible all the...
Creators Beat Victims Any Day
Lately I’ve been talking a lot about the Karpman Drama Triangle. Dr. Steven Karpman, a psychologist, developed the concept as a way of describing a dysfunctional way of dealing with conflict. It’s also been called the “victim consciousness” in other books. Recognizing...
A Noise is Just a Noise
Pema Chodron tells a story about how annoyed she (or someone in her meditation session) was listening to someone’s whistling breath during a meditation session. Eventually, she realized the sound was coming from the radiator and she was amazed to notice that all her...
Whole Healer
The Love Is Free
I remember asking a new patient I’d just put on an antidepressant to come back and see me within two weeks and again after she’d been on the medication for six weeks.
“Why, so you can make more money off me?”
An Honest Answer
When a patient was very late for an appointment (basically, they missed the appointment because they arrived more than 15 minutes late,) someone from our front office staff would often come back and ask if we would still see the patient. When I said, “Yes,” as I most...
Stop Saying “Yes”
Once upon a time, doctors wrote short notes about their patients so they would remember what they’d been thinking about when the patient was last seen. They’d write down the symptoms, the physical exam, and the diagnosis and treatment plan. Enough so they or one of...
Take A Breath
Once when I was a resident, I rotated with a brilliant specialist for a month. He was funny, didn’t suffer fools gladly, and he was very good to his patients. One day we walked briskly to the door of one of his exam rooms. He pulled the patient chart from the holder...
The Visit Includes The Charting
I had a colleague once, when I was working at a residency, who gave what I thought was great advice to the residents with regard to the EMR: “Write a crappy note now, or a crappier note later.” Now, I know this is not what you want to hear, but truthfully, is your...