One morning recently I woke up with a feeling of…I couldn’t quite name it. I felt unsettled, like something was wrong. I started to think of all the different areas of my life, looking for a cause for the feeling.
My mom…was at risk.
My son…wasn’t learning enough at home.
My husband…wasn’t sleeping enough.
Then I realized that the feeling I’d woken up with was anxiety, which is a free-floating feeling of dread (at least as I experience it.)
As soon as I woke up with the feeling, my brain went to work, scrabbling around, trying to give me reasons for the feeling.
That’s what the brain does: It gives you proof you should be feeling anxious.
I took a few deep breaths and tried to ground myself in reality by questioning my brain’s statements:
Was Mom okay? Yes. I’d just seen her the day before (in a socially distant way) and she’d looked great. Everyone was doing everything they could to keep her safe.
Was my son learning enough? Yes. He was home and safe, doing some school work and connecting with his friends and family via Zoom. More importantly, he was learning that we do what we can to stay safe and focus on the big picture, on the positive, rather than the negatives.
Was my husband sleeping enough? Um, I don’t really know. I’ll ask him and find out.
After reality-checking myself, I realized all is well right here, right now—no need for anxiety.
I kept breathing and focusing on what was real in this moment.
Gradually, calm replaced the anxiety.
Until the next time.