Last week, I wore one of my husband’s running shirts while I was painting. I got paint on it and it didn’t come out when I washed it. It turned out to be the Finisher T-shirt from his first marathon. He was not happy about it. I apologized, sincerely, and told him I wouldn’t do it again.
As I walked away, I said out loud: “I’m not perfect and that’s okay.”
He didn’t say anything, but after I said it, I realized it could have sounded like I was telling him to get over it or something like that.
I wasn’t. I was telling myself I’m not perfect—and that’s okay. I made a mistake and it’s still okay.
“I’m not perfect,” is not an excuse. It’s not a “get-out-of-jail-free” card. But neither is it a reason to beat myself up or catalogue all my faults.
It’s just me, telling myself the truth. Not trying to get out of responsibility or to make someone else wrong.
Because if I do something wrong and don’t admit it, I can’t learn from the experience. I can’t do better next time. If I do something wrong and don’t admit it, what I’m really telling myself is “I’m not perfect and that’s not okay.”
Which is a lie.
Or maybe I’m telling myself, “I’m perfect.”
Which is also a lie.
When I make a mistake like this one, and don’t admit it, I’m telling my husband he’s wrong–for getting upset about it.
Another lie, especially when I think about how I would feel if someone ruined my first marathon T-shirt.
It’s a lie that puts distance between me and the person I’m closest to in this world.
Alternatively, when I make a mistake and admit it, I grow a little bit. I get more comfortable with my imperfect self, which is, of course, the real me. And my husband gets to know the real me a little better.
And the real me is most definitely not perfect.
The real me says stuff like:
- I’m really sorry, here’s how I can fix it.
- I’m sorry, what can I do to make it up to you?
- I’m so sorry, I won’t do it again.
What do you tell yourself when you make a mistake?