The hallmark of Square Two is hope: You start to think maybe things can be different. You start to see, even though your old life is gone, you can have something different and more satisfying than what you left behind.
At the beginning of Square Two, hope comes infrequently. You start to glimpse the possibilities of your new life before you slip back into grief. You start to dream about what the future could hold for you more and more often as time goes by.
Because your new life is unformed, your mind is less rigid about what’s possible for you. You may find yourself thinking about things (tasks, jobs, people) you haven’t thought about in years. Or you may discover new interests. You start exploring—you want to explore.
Other symptoms you have entered Square Two:
- You laugh more easily and more often.
- You want to do things you’ve never done.
- Your creativity returns.
- You change your clothes.
- You change your hair.
- You remodel, redecorate, or renovate your living space.
I had a client once who felt she was going to get really sick if she stayed in her current job. She had a longing to do something completely different. Once she quit her job, she didn’t immediately get a job offer in her new field. She grieved her old job but didn’t go back to it. While she continued to look for a new job, she started doing things that she’d never done before—things that were only indirectly related to her new career, but which fed her soul on a deep level. She changed her hair and landscaped her yard. She also got a dog, which she described as “the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.”
She was well into Square Two. (And yes, she did land her dream job–in an amazingly short period of time.)
By the end of Square Two, your dreams look more like schemes—actual plans to move forward. Some people are very happy in this part of the change cycle; others want to jump right into Square Three.
If you are in Square Two, give yourself permission to stay here and dream a little more. Don’t try to narrow your focus too soon. I have had many clients tell me they have been dreaming and scheming for two weeks already! and they still don’t know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.
Patience, my friend. Just notice—notice what makes you laugh, notice what you’re attracted to, notice what you don’t want.
Make a Happy Basket: Designate a jar, a basket, or a bowl as your Happy Basket. When you notice something that makes you smile or laugh, write it down on a Post-It or a scrap of paper, and throw it in the happy basket. Once you have enough scraps of paper (and a little time), take the contents of the basket and go through it. Notice any themes?
One client noticed that most of the things she’d written down involved children and dogs. Not one thing related to her work as an accountant made it into the basket. That’s good information to know.
One way to give yourself permission to explore and dream more is to repeat the Square Two mantra as often as needed: “There are no rules, and that’s okay.”
No matter where you are in your life, dreaming is a good thing. Can you give yourself permission to dream a little?