I once read a story where someone was in a “Pay It Forward” kind of mood and left notes on six different windshields in a parking lot. The person who left the messages had no connection to anyone who owned the cars. It was a completely random act of kindness, or so the author of the notes thought. Each message was the same: “I love you.” No signature, no identification of any kind.
The reaction of each of the six recipients was fascinating—and had absolutely nothing to do with the person who left the messages.
- One person accepted the note with gratitude, assuming it could have been from more than one person in her life.
- Another person took the note as an apology from his beloved.
- Yet another person took the message as a cruel and sarcastic gibe from one of many people who he thought hated him.
Each reaction was only about the person receiving the note. It was a powerful lesson in perspective.
I have noticed that my reaction to anything others say to me, especially those closest to me, has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.
If I walk around all day thinking I’m doing fine and all is well, when my husband comes home and speaks, whatever he says is fine and all is well. If I walk around all day thinking I’m not enough, everything my husband says to me sounds like “you’re not enough,” even statements as bland as “pass the salt:”
“Pass the salt? What are you saying? My food’s not good enough? Next time, you can cook it yourself!”
One of the four agreements is, “Don’t take anything personally.” This is because no matter what someone says, they are saying it out of their own needs, wants, filters, and perspectives.
I believe that’s true, and the way I take it is only about my own wants, needs, filters, and perspectives.
I’ve noticed the more I know about myself, the less I react to the words of others.
How do you choose to react? What will your response be?