I have a good friend who recently got a promotion at work. But he didn’t tell me about the promotion—and I was hurt.
Actually, that’s not correct. When he didn’t tell me about his promotion, I was fine.
When I heard about his promotion from someone else, I was hurt.
But even that’s not correct.
When I heard about the promotion, I had a thought: Why didn’t he tell me about his promotion?
When we ask ourselves questions, our brains go to work answering those questions. My answers to this question were:
- Because he doesn’t care about me
- Because he doesn’t trust me
- Because he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life
I was so upset by these answers (thoughts), I decided to do The Work. (I’ve written about Byron Katie and The Work here and here.)
Once I did, I realized the thoughts I was believing weren’t true.
- My friend does care about me.
- He does trust me.
- He wants me to be part of his life.
I also saw that he shouldn’t have told me about his promotion. How do I know that?
- Well, he didn’t tell me, that’s why I know he shouldn’t have.
- My friend and I have mutual friends who work at his company, so if he’d told me earlier, there’s a chance I might have said something to someone before he was ready for it to be public knowledge.
- I only want to know what my friend chooses to tell me.
Once I did The Work on the many thoughts I had in response to the (lousy) question I asked myself, I felt much better. I realized that I’d been thinking I couldn’t tell my friend things about my life because he wasn’t sharing things about his life with me.
That’s not true, either.
I can tell my friend whatever I want about my life and feel really good about our friendship.
He can’t stop me, no matter what he tells me or doesn’t tell me. Only I can do that, by thinking negative thoughts that cause me to feel bad.
Instead of continuing to think those negative thoughts, I choose to think that I love him and value his friendship, no matter what.
And with those thoughts come feelings of peace and love.
What are your thoughts?