I once had the experience of getting some feedback about a workshop I gave about letting go of energy drainers (anything that drains your energy).
One woman who attended the workshop thought the workshop was terrible. How do I know? My husband told me.
Let me explain.
At the end of the workshop, I asked attendees to come up with one thing in their lives that was draining their energy and to write their name and phone number down if they wanted me to call and check up on them a week later (accountability can be a big motivator!) I had called and left a message on this woman’s machine and she called back to tell me what she thought of my class. Since I wasn’t home, my husband took the call.
At 9 o’clock that night, as I walked in the door from work, my husband told me this woman had called and then he proceeded to read from three sticky notes all the things this woman thought about my class and how irresponsible I was for telling people to stop cleaning out their basements and sending thank you cards.
As he read these words to me, I thought my husband agreed with her. I felt terrible—for days. Talk about an energy drainer!
Eventually, I started to wonder why I felt so bad. After all, I didn’t know this woman, so why did I care so much what she thought? Why was I so focused on this one negative comment when I’d received so many positive comments about the workshop? Well, because it’s human nature to focus on the negative. But also, because I thought my husband, whose opinion I did care about, agreed with her. I asked my husband if he agreed with what this woman had said. He didn’t. Okay–I felt a little better.
Then I thought about The Four Agreements, one of which is “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” What if this woman’s reaction to my workshop was about her, and not me? That felt better, too. The fact that this woman was at my workshop meant that she was probably feeling pretty drained. But my prescription for getting rid of energy drainers (Bag It, Barter It, or Better It) must have come up against one of her long-held beliefs. For all I knew, she might think she has to vacuum the carpet in the bedroom before bed and then crawl over the footboard into bed so she doesn’t leave a footprint.
I’m exaggerating (slightly), but some people do have very high expectations for themselves with regard to all manner of tasks that “must” be done.
At that thought, I absolved myself of all responsibility for this woman’s experience of my workshop. My energy went way up, so I went back over the content of the workshop and realized I was proud of it. If I could help someone let go of whatever was draining their energy, it was totally worth the occasional negative comment.
What if we didn’t take anything personally for a whole day? How would that feel?